Dear Abby. Why are men and women so different?

Ok, so this is a bit more candid than I usually am--about marriage and relationships, but I felt like I needed to write, and I'm pretty sure a lot of you out there would be able to relate to me. I needed someone to understand me and say "that happens to me too," or "I totally understand!"

So here's the scenario. Your husband (in my case, since I'm a woman) comes home from work. You've been home all day with the little ones, and gosh darn it you love them to death, but as soon as that man of yours walks in, you just want to CLING to him and blabber at him about your whole day! You feel happy to see him and want to follow him around like a puppy. "So, what do you think about this?" "Isn't it so cute?" "How was your day?" "What should we do about this?!" It's not anything BAD that I'm reporting to him or that I'm asking, I simply just vomit on him about all the things that happened, the things I want to get done, and well, I am just so darn happy to see him and maybe even more so, I am just thrilled to talk to an ADULT.

On the other hand, your spouse smiles at you, gives you a hug and a kiss and then suddenly you realize....he's done it again. He's disappeared into the abyss. You can see it in his eyes that he's no longer roaming this planet earth. Your words don't reach his ears at all; the blank stare tells all. Maybe he's even a great actor that day in which case he smiles, nods, even grunts on occasion, but you realize; there's no body home! It's still just me and the kids!!

Ahh, you may say, the typicalness of it all. The universal struggle indeed. I see the challenge here, I really do. Men are out all day, bowing down to superiors and being around adults. When they come home, they want peace and quiet, go away and hideout from all human being. Women on the other hand? Especially for those stay at home mommies struggling to keep her sanity in tact, all she wants to do is cling on to dear life...I mean, cling to her dear husband and yack away to ease the pains of loneliness, or simply to stimulate her brain cells once more, reassuring herself that she's in fact NOT going crazy from listening to kid's wild absurd stories all day and talking with little people who require detailed instructions to EVERYTHING they undertake.

So what do you do? The common mistake I see women (okay, myself) making is that when the spouse goes into "shut down mode," I take it as he's "mad" at me, or "doesn't want to be with me," or I so wisely think; "he's in his cave"--I will be the good wife and leave him alone. But before you know it, HOURS have passed and they're still in their "cave"...I don't know when he'll come out. I've heard men say "that's not it; I'm not mad, I love you, and I'm not in my cave." I'm no doctor Laura and I'm not a gender expert. I simply want to know that I'm not crazy. I still find myself, after six years--wanting to be with my husband every second that he's home. Fine, call me crazy. I love that guy! But alas, I feel the magnitude of this universal controversy that have been known to men and women everywhere and feel like I need some answers. Do I leave him alone completely? (I've tried that) Does he succumb to my neediness? (he's tried that) Do we find a middle ground? (that'd be nice--although we thought we had found that-time and time again...) Is there even an answer?? Or do we get mad, get hurt, and try again and again?

Whatever the case, it's been nice to share my honest thoughts and feelings and would even be nicer to get some positive feedback. I'm not looking for lectures, I'm wanting to hear what you've done cuz I know I ain't the first and only one to have this challenge in a marriage!

Yours truly,

me