One of those days...

Well, it's been a while. It's that time again, I have too much on my mind and somehow, blogging always makes me feel better and clears my mind.

Although I'm not at liberty to share half the things I get to experience/go through these days, this is one of those days and I don't know whether I want to laugh or cry.

Ronny's on call this week, which means he's at work from 11:30-8:30pm, and then whenever he gets called out, he must leave and go out. The other night, he was called out at 3am to some type of a spill out in the gulf.

Must I say more?

This makes the days LONG for me.

Today, I thought I'd take the boys to Ikea and then to H-mart (Korean supermarket) to kill some time and actually have some fun while at it. I promised the kids some Ikea hotdogs, ice cream cone and cinnamon roll. We all shouted for joy and began our adventures. I love treating the kids to yummy things, and I love sharing 'fun' experiences with them.

Well, not to focus on the 'bad' things, but the thing I look forward to most at Ikea, their childcare was DOWN. Closed due to not enough workers. GREAT.

Okay, I can do this. Two kids around the store isn't too bad, I tell myself and carry on.

Who needs Ikea's daycare anyway?

So we begun our adventure.

Didn't get too far.

Jaiden was having a fit. Standing in his cart, whining, trying to jump out of it, then crying about something and anything he could think of....

a few time outs and chats later, I was done.

Things calmed down a bit, so we decided we'd get lunch.

We stood in line and got our food.

I looked around.

"umm...where's your eating area?"

the eating area that was to the left of the food vending area was completely gone.

"You can go upstairs" the cashier said.

I looked down at myself JUST TO MAKE SURE I wasn't invisible to this lady.

TWO TODDLERS (one child trying to burst away from my gripping hand to run away with his ice cream cone), two hot dogs, a soda cup, a cinnamon roll, and a bag of chips all in my arms/hands/whatever I had to hold on to all this.

"there's plenty of room upstairs"

YOU WANT ME TO TAKE ALL THIS BACK UPSTAIRS?

you're out of your mind, lady.

I found a bench in front of the child care and sat there with the kids while all passerby-ers looked on, kids whining to their moms "i want that!!"

I was ready to fight back if anyone told us we couldn't eat there.

No one did. (lol)

At Ikea, I took the boys to the potty three times (Jaiden's potty training and has an extremely small bladder)

Trying to still have a good time, I rolled out to our next stop, H-mart.

Before I began shopping, I took the boys to the potty...again.

Now to start shopping for food! I was excited.

no more than 5 minutes into it, Jaiden said "Potty!"

so back we went, through the crowded eatery and the super narrow hallway to the bathrooms.

A man was now cleaning the Women's bathroom.

Go figure.

I don't care.

I barged in and took Jaiden in.

tinkle....drip.

that's it?!

Back out to the store grounds

5 minutes into it, 'POO POO!"

so back we went to the potty, running this time.

"sit down! hurry! now you can go potty!"

I sat Jaiden down.

........

nothing.

instead, Jaiden fell into the toilet.

AAAHHHH!!!

fishing him out, I cleaned him up.

in the end, nothing.

back out on the floor....

5 minutes later, ready to check out, Jaiden said "poo poo!!"

it's loud and I'm embarrassed, but it's better than him having an accident. THEN I'd be embarrassed. I take him again to the bathroom.

Nothing.

That's one thing you can't just tell them "no, you're lying." better to be safe than sorry.

I finally get out of there.

The kids fall asleep as I turned off at our exit.

Too funny.

We get home and I put them in their rooms for some quiet time for all of us.

Haaa....now to deal with reality. I sit and think. Pray hard and think some more for other challenges I'm dealing with right now.

"POTTY!!!"

Jaiden shouts from the top of the stairs and I yell back "GO GOOO!!"

and then I forget he was up there....

I run upstairs when I remembered that the little booger was up there.

It was too late.

Gag reflexes kicking in aside, I was greeted by the owner of a "proud" naked buns.

I took a look at him.

I breathed some more and held my breath.

I looked across at the brown smudges everywhere.

I looked back at the beaming little thing.

I wanted to cry.

How could I get mad at such a thing?

And yet, I wanted to just break down and cry.

Poop was everywhere. The training toilet, the floor, the 'grown-up' toilet, the bathtub, and ALL OVER Jaiden.

The smell was nauseating.

The sight was enough to make me cry and run away, quit this job.

I got down on my knees and began scrubbing.

I bathed the little kid.

I thought;

Dear Heavenly Father, I sure do hope I'm reaping some excellent Heavenly rewards up there...cuz some days, I sure don't know what I'm doing or how I'm going to do it yet another day...

How i love my children.

but OH how hard it is to be a mom.

oh how hard it is to be a mom....

Big circle of Life

I can't tell you how much I love these sisters.

Beulah and Lou.

The boys call Beulah (in yellow) "oba-chan" which is "grandma" in Japanese, and sister Lou, "Cindy Lou-who" from The Whoville by Dr. Seuss.

Anyway...

These two ladies are ANGELS. I kid you not.

Well, they decided that I needed help.

Help with the boys, help with the Relief Society calling, just help because

"they know it can be rough." BLESS THEM!!

Honestly though, LOOK AT THEM. They can hardly move! Lou's 73 and Beulah's 61 (in yellow). Sister Beulah can hardly walk! They always offer to help, but in all honesty, I always wonder what they could do for me (besides giving them callings at church--which they fulfill WONDERFULLY). But this day, they had made up their minds to come and "help me".

You know what they did?

You know how they got to my house?

This makes me tear up for some reason.

I guess I get so emotional when it comes to these sisters because I see so many people with "give me, give me" attitude and these two sisters are the VERY FEW that say "let me help you"....

Back to what they had to do to get to my place.

They first had to get together (they have no car so they had to walk a few blocks to get to each other's house). Then, TOGETHER, they called the city metro system (a lengthy and annoying process to deal with those people). The sisters arranged for the bus people to come get them and drop them off at my place. You know how hard it was for them to get to my place? It took 1.5 hours of fighting (not in a bad way) with the bus drivers and convincing them that my house existed even when the drivers threatened that they had to turn around and go back because they couldn't find my house (bless the sisters, they don't speak all that clear so the driver had the wrong address)!!

Finally, after a lengthy bus ride, the two hobbled down the city bus together and said

"what can we do for you?"

(computer screen is getting blurry...)

I sat them down and we had lunch together. They were in heaven. These ladies don't have much, but you'll never hear them complaining. Beulah doesn't even have running water in her bathroom, hasn't had such a thing in over a year. I didn't know that.

Then, since all I could think for them to do was entertain the boys while I did some Relief Society work, I sat the kids and the ladies at the table, gave them some legos and some play-do and let them be while I left the room to work.

{I heard laughter}

{I felt a sweet spirit from beyond the walls of my home}

I heard little young voices and I heard laughter from deep and wise people.

Beulah said to me before she left

"you know, it's so good for us, believe it or not to get with the young people...they help us too."

What a great day it was.

I absolutely loved it.

So off they went, back on the city bus.

I forgot to mention they paid $4 to get to my house.

You may know, but you probably don't.

It was a big sacrifice for them.

If you have a Beulah or a Lou in your ward or neighborhood, I highly recommend you getting to know them. They are literally angels here on this earth...

Sis. Lou plays "bouncy ball" with Jaiden who's thrilled.

Kai and Sis. Beulah playing who knows what with play-do on their faces

I wished I could have snapped her big deep jolly laughter along with this photo! She and the kids just thought it was the funniest bestest thing in the world!

Kai and Jaiden sitting next to Sis. Lou

NO AC

Our AC went out today.

Did I mention we live in Texas?

:<

IT'S HOT.

I'm now laying here with two little bodies.

It's dark outside and they're fascinated as I type.

It's 10:00pm, it's cooled off significantly.

Ronny's out of town (go figure) and so we've got the ceiling fans blasting away while we lay here surrounded in darkness.

It's kinda fun.

It probably won't be fun come tomorrow mid-day-sun-blasting you to-smitherines again, but right now, it's one of those...

"memory" making moments to lay here with the boys in the loft, on the ground, campout style.

I actually don't mind these things once in a while. I feel like I can better appreciate what I might otherwise take for granted, AND it helps me sympathize better with people (esp. our branch members) that don't have the luxuries I have, like AC.

I'm grateful for AC.

I love my boys...little things that lay beside me.

I love tonight.

Dependence vs. Self-reliance

I got a call today that has me thinking a lot.

The voice on the other line was a familiar one.

"Can you run to the store and get me a loaf of bread and some brown beef? I haven't got anything in my house to eat and I just need those things right now!"

I told the sister I couldn't. I had used up all my funds for the month, I just wasn't able.

"well, couldn't you just bring me some bread then?"

The voice echoed in my ears.

I looked around. I had a few pieces of bread on the counter, sure, but I also had hungry kids to feed.

My heart has been aching.

For so many reasons.

How do I teach my sisters self-reliance?

The odd thing is, that this sister works seven days a week...

How does anyone teach anybody to be independent and self-reliant? to not to seek handouts. To not depend on others to give you things. Not to demand and expect that the government and church be responsible for every need you have?

How is any of this to be done?

And yet, as I carry the load of this new calling, these questions torment me each day.

I have no answers....

What is charity?

What would Jesus do?

As I sat at the table "feasting" upon the lunch we had, I wondered so many things. Was it really right for me to turn down a "needy" sister while I sat there eating any food at all? Where do I draw the line of giving and saying "no" to never ending reaching hands that knock on my door each day?

Call me cruel, call me mean, but I just don't think the gospel is about long term dependency.

I believe firmly that God does not like for us to be dependent. Quite the contrary, he wants us to work. Work is the answer to true happiness in my mind. The sense of empowerment that comes from being able to provide for yourself, to earn an income, to find a ride to places is so priceless...how do I teach my beloved sisters that?!

On this subject, Elder Albert E. Bowen has stated;

"the true function and office of giving is to help people [get] into a position where they can help themselves and thus be free.”

(Welfare Gospel Doctrine manual, 1946, p. 77.)

"Many programs have been set up by well-meaning individuals to aid those who are in need. However, many of these programs are designed with the shortsighted objective of “helping people,” as opposed to “helping people help themselves.” Our efforts must always be directed toward making able-bodied people self-reliant.

How I believe this!

And yet, so many unanswered questions are floating through my mind tonight...

HELP.

6 Years down, Eternity to go

6 years ago today I promised to spend the rest of my eternities with him.

6 years ago we started a family.

Today, I celebrate Ronny and my sixth year of being married.

Sealed in the Lord's house, we continue our walk through this mortal life.

Surrounded by happiness, frustrations, hardships, and accomplishments, we'll walk another year together.

We've been through a lot together already, and I can't wait to go through so much more.

Here are SIX reasons why I love him

{also six reasons how I know HE loves me}

1. He loves me. (if you know my background, you'd know I don't take this for granted)

2. He is my biggest fan. He pushes me to be my best and allows me to spread my wings

3. He and I share so much now, the good and the bad. We have many memories I couldn't possibly imagine sharing with anyone else.

4. He thinks I'm beautiful even when I've had a rough day or have no makeup on, on days I feel fat, on days I complain a lot.

5. He's gentle with me and teaches the boys to respect me.

6. He lets me win every argument. LOL! No, but really, he's so humble and forgiving...

Here are six of the top things we've lived through together

{6 things we decided together that were our most memorable experiences}

1. Honeymoon to Japan

2. Joining the Coast Guard and becoming a Military family

3. Living in Puerto Rico

4. Birth of Kai

5. Birth of Jaiden and all that we went through with him

6. Buying our first home in Texas

6 things Ronny has helped me do/become

1. Receive my Business degree by attending college

2. Supporting me in all my ideas (the Book of Mormon theatrical play in Puerto Rico, write my autobiography and much more...including many time consuming callings in the church)

3. Realize that I am beautiful

4. Become a motivational speaker

5. Go home to Japan to meet my biological family

6. Become a Mother

People often comment on how I've "changed" from before. They frequently comment on how I glow now...or how I become "increasingly beautiful"...I take that as a major compliment. Not as being prideful, like "yah, look at me," but if anyone knows my past, you will understand when I say: "I truly believe it's because Ronny loves me no matter what."

He lets me Be beautiful.

I want to be beautiful to him.

Love changes people.

I am beautiful to Ronny, and that has changed me.

Thank you Ronny.

For so many things.

Like my dad said this morning;

"Make it past the seven-year itch and it's eternity forever!!"

And so we continue on our adventure called Love!

{our recent photo taken in corpus Christi}

Corpus Christi--6 year Anniversary!

I'm here in the hotel room in Corpus Christi, TEXAS right now, just enjoying some ME time.

Yes, you heard right.

ME time.

NO kids.

(and Ronny's actually in training today)

Norma (amiga) was kind enough to take my boys overnight and I got to drive out here to meet up with Ronny who's been out in training for the Coast Guard since Sunday.

How I made it out here alone (4hour drive) and not get lost somewhere in Mexico was truly amazing! I can't even drive to downtown Houston!!

So, we made it our 6th year anniversary trip.

Nothing too spectacular, just enjoying each other.

We went to dinner, then Ronny took me to the beach where we sat and just talked....then we went and saw a late night show at the theater.

It was just nice to not have to worry about the kid's bedtimes or pack a million things along for the kids. It was nice that Ronny and I could talk during dinner and actually hear ourselves and not have any interruptions!! :D or spills :)

Thanks amiga.

I love you Ronny.

FHE-Gratitude

It's just the boys and me this week. Ronny's in training in Corpus Christi for a week.

Last night's FHE lesson (Family Home Evening) was about gratitude.

I explained what "gratitude" meant and how we should be grateful for everything we have.

So, I began.

"Mommy's grateful for electricity" (we lost power for a few hours during the storm this day)

"Kai, what are you grateful for today?" I asked.

Kai: "Daddy!"

me: "that's very sweet. Why are you grateful for daddy?"

Kai: "because he lets me go trick-or-treating at Halloween!"

me: "okaay, Jaiden, what are you grateful for today?"

Jaiden: "Halloween!"

Their little faces were so cute. I'm grateful for them and their "children-ness".

I love their guts!

Lunch-a bunch. Unity is the goal

Oh I could just die happy!

We had a luncheon today with a few sisters from the branch.

We've (the Relief Society presidency) decided to invite a few (3-4) sisters and have cute little lunches together that we call "lunch-a-bunch" at least once a month. The plan is to eventually invite all to come and treat them to a little but nice lunch and get to know them. Really, we just thought it'd be nice to get them out of their homes and serve them. I love cooking for others! :)

As I welcomed the sisters into my home and sat them down to a simple lunch, it was just a joy to watch them smile at one another like this was some sort of feast or a great treat.

They all looked so beautiful there.

Both of my counselors were great asking questions about these sisters and we just TALKED and listened to one another tell about life stories and backgrounds, interests and family.

There was just a sense of peace, of love, of unity.

I have just been ticked thrilled to think back on this event and how much I truly love these sisters.

Happy with anything

Well, it's been about a whole month since I was called into the Relief Society as its new president in the Sunnyside branch.

I've decided to start sharing my experiences, almost as if keeping a "'calling' journal." I don't know who it will benefit, or who it might touch, but if anything, it's for me to remember these times and recognize the blessings I've been given to serve in this capacity.

This week, I've been impressed about the gratitude these humble people have in my branch. I received a call from Beulah--pretty much the branch's grandma--she's something else! Anyway, with thick African American-Houston-accent that really no one can understand, she squealed over the phone while giggling like a little child--

"guess what, baby! I got chairs!"

"chairs?"

"Ya! You know, those chairs from our church!"

(our meeting house we have been meeting in is being demolished-we're gettin' a real chapel! so the members were free to take pretty much anything that was in that meeting house, including chairs)

"Oh good, you got some chairs!" I said, smiling over the phone.

"Oh yes baby, and now we have chairs...and we even got a table! Now our family can sit around the table and sit in chairs while we eat!" she added,

"You know, I always tell my babies (she raises her 5 (?) granddaughters) that the Lord will always bless you-with the best!"

Then I had Lanetta come up to me today after church--her head was wrapped in a white bandana...

"Guess what sister 'Samford' (we get all kinds of fun names here-lol) I shaved my head!"

"You shaved your head? what did you do that for?!" I asked.

"CUZ IT WAS HOT!"

I was taken aback.

"But you know what else? President Moore just told me he reserved me some chairs from ya'll's church!" she said, not having realized yet that it's "HER" church too, now that she's a new member.

Her face beamed brightly.

I've been privileged to work closer with these dear sisters.

This is what I've had engraved into my brain this week:

1. many do not have chairs.

2. many do not have AC. (remember, it gets over 100 degrees here)

3. Many do not have food.

4. Many do not have jobs.

5. Many have roaches and other insects infesting their homes.

6. Many do not cook until 10pm, when the house finally is cool enough to stand in the kitchen and cook.

I have been humbled this week to say the least.

I saw some horrible things in Chile. I was humbled there too.

But to hear the joy and gratitude in these lady's voices to get the most basic things (of course, church metal chairs at the branch are wore down and most have scratches and stains on them) have brought me back to reality that BOY, DO I EVER HAVE A BLESSED LIFE!

I'm not saying these families aren't blessed, they are.

But to know I have so much...

I have So much to give.

and that to me, is a blessing, never to forget.

Sometimes, it's as if less is more.