I snapped.

It's been rough lately, but not because of my typical venting from the hard labors of the children day in and day out.

Well, okay sort of, but not really.

I've been tormented about a few things.

HOW DO WE AS PARENTS TEACH AND DISCIPLINE OUR YOUNG ONES?!

A complete mystery.

It seems like no matter how many times we parents try to "teach" or "tell" our kids to do or to not do something, it goes unheard. No amounts of "please do this" can stop these kids.

First, I've noticed that Jaiden likes to talk back. "No! YOU, GO AWAY! STOP IT!"

he will shout at the top of his once under developed and "weak" lungs.

Then we have Kai.

He has been BREAKING EVERYTHING. Baskets, boxes, pencils, crayons, sticks I have as decor, curtains, METAL BARS, decors, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING he can get his hands on, he will break and destroy. Not out of rage, he just sits there picking at things, bending them, snapping them, or tears things apart slowly and casually, then tosses it on the floor to break the next item within his reach.

What a mystery. I've heard of boys breaking things, and I remember even my brothers would break things to "explore" how things are built, to "discover" how things work, but Kai seems to just break things, just because.

The other day, I was really on the edge with the kids. Still, I bit my tongue and in an almost pleading way, asked for the 10th time, "PLEASE Kai, mama's so tired and this is all I can do. I don't want to be the mean mom. PLEASE stay in bed, where I've told you to stay a million times..." then left, confident that asking him "nicely" would let him know that I was ASKING him to be obedient.

The next thing I know (within a few seconds), he was out of bed, sneaking off to Jaiden's room and wiling him up to play.

It broke my heart, it really did.

I've been racking my brains, tormented because I'm on the edge here.

I can't seem to talk to them enough, can't seem to say the right things, can't seem to get into their heads to make them understand, I can't seem to yell loud enough, and I've even done things and said things I know aren't right, and of which I've regretted greatly.

Tonight, I hit a snapping point though.

Ronny's been very frustrated with them too, and together, we were storming up this place with shouts and screams, even a few spankings.

Where did we go wrong? We're usually a calm couple, confident in our disciplinary actions with the kids, but I'll be honest. It's not been that way lately.

Kids were crying, we were yelling, it was a mess.

So, I snapped.

Seems like the only logical thing to do! I had had enough.

Ronny and I had a deep discussion afterwards, after putting the kids down to bed immediately after the exciting event of my snapping.

We talked...and talked....and talked....and racked our brains together.

Really, I love that Ronny and I can talk about things.

Honestly, I love how we try to work at everything together.

We concluded that we have been going around in circles, not getting anywhere with the kids. I've prayed a million times over the past few weeks for answers, and have felt I've gotten nothing.

(umm, hello...it's been a while since I've heard your voice sir...)

So, Ronny and I came up with a few things we'd like to do (instead of yelling and the occasional spankings) and talked of the importance of BEING ON THE SAME PAGE as a couple, AND also sticking to a punishment.

It doesn't have to be loud, it doesn't have to be mean or vicious.

But two thing's for sure.

We need to be on the same page, and we need to be consistent.

What we're going to do from now on whenever there's a "naughty" moment, is simple.

Simple, but if we keep at it together, I think it will work.

My kids are in no way bad.

They are smart, kind, and good kids.

But, to keep them that way, it requires A LOT of discipline and love on our part.

I've always loved how Ronny and I can talk things out and work together towards something. It always seem to work so much better than when I try to do it alone...

Has anyone ever realized it's SO MUCH MORE work to teach children and discipline righteously??

It's SO MUCH EASIER to just say "I don't care" or "go play outside with your friends and don't come back 'til dinner." No wonder so many kids roam the streets, "hanging out" with their friends. I don't blame the parents, I honestly don't. It's burdensome, and aggravating, not to mention EXHAUSTING.

BUT, we will take responsibility in doing and finishing this job to the end (I only got 15 years, 10 months, and 45 days until they're out of here! LOL--jk), hopefully the way the Lord would have us do. I know that in the end, all this work will pay off.

(it better or so help me...)

So, with renewed hope, I write this entry in hopes that I can look back on it someday and smile, knowing that tonight, me snapping was the best thing I could have done to turn things around and raise good and honest boys.

Here we go...