Life as I Live it: March 2011

Friday, March 25, 2011

Homeschooling-I'm gonna die

I have been thinking...

something that I don't like to think about...

but the thought keeps popping back into my mind...

and swirling...taunting me every day...

I have been contemplating on homeschooling.

Yes, you heard right.

Homeschooling my kids.

YA RIGHT,

you might say.

Not you!

I hear them say.

I know, I know, I agree! Not me!

But really, the thought has been rolling around in my brain and I am slowly starting to embrace it.

I don't know why.

I don't know how.

I have, however, noticed a trend in many of my friends and associates converting over from public schooling to homeschooling and I've been wondering what this is all about.

I used to swear up and down, down and up that I'd NEVER EVER EVER NEVER homeschool.

Homeschooling was for weirdos!

I would say.

But given the circumstances of our public schools these days, one can't help but wonder if our little ones will learn anything good, let alone be safe.

So much violence and so much immorality has plagued our once safe schools and I can't help but wonder if Heavenly Father is slowly preparing me for the possibility of keeping my children at home a little while longer.

A friend voiced to me the same thing.

"Perhaps God has a plan for our children's generation and needs them to be a bit more shielded during those vulnerable years... retain their innocence a bit longer... whatever the reason, maybe this is why so many of us are now considering it."

Sure, everything I ever dreamed of doing with my life--KICKING THE KIDS OUT to go to school so that I could clean, read, go back to school or work, or find something that's for ME has sort of flown out the window for now, but I can't help but feel that my children come before anything and everything and that this would be a well invested thing I (we=Ronny and I) could do for them.

I still don't know if this is really what I will be doing, I'm still waiting for that CLEAR answer from the Lord, but if it's the right thing for our family, I will go and do.

Anyone else out there think the same things? Got any helps? suggestions?

ps. I'm not an organized creative, educated (in a sense that I wouldn't feel comfortable teaching anyone past kindergarten!!) OR patient mother...so how the heck I'm going to learn how to homeschool AND teach things to my children is a COMPLETE mystery...just in case you were wondering. :)

I love my job

Yesterday was a really good day.

I think life's full of ups and downs.

When I'm down, it's not necessarily that I'm "depressed," it's more like that's when I ponder and grow the most.

If you see a blog entry about me being "down" or more cynical of my days with the tyrants, it's only because my mind is busily trying to (although UNSUCCESSFULLY) weed out the "unnecessary" things in my life and improve what I have, or even acquire that which I don't have.

I think I feel GUILT a lot of days for what I can't seem to do, or what I want to do but don't know how to do.

Point in case, when I'm cleaning, I feel guilty that I'm not with my kids. But when I'm with my kids, my house is a MESS...to the point where it's hard to feel the spirit, more probably because it makes me feel yicky--then, when I AM playing with the kids, I sometimes wonder...

"shouldn't I be TEACHING them something useful like numbers, colors, words, alphabets, etc??!" How do I find the time or the energy to create such fun games of learning?

The fact is, I have my hard days, but most of the time, I love being a mom.

I had some girl friends come over yesterday and that really did help me feel happy.

I love to chat away our cares and laugh at life and even motherhood.

I love the little moments with my kids.

The SWEET SWEET smile that Kai only shows to me. (honest to all, he has this special smile that I've only seen him give me. It melts my heart)

The way Jaiden elongates his neck to look around for something he wants.

The way Jaiden laughs and runs away when I'm the "monster."

The laughs, OH the laughs!

The little bunsies after a bubble bath. (I like to bite them!! HAHA)

The silly little nicknames I come up with for the kids each day. (so naturally)

Baba, baba-boo, stinkers, stinky buns, my little dinkers, etc.

So silly.

The way Kai gets so proud of himself when he can accomplish a task.

When the boys speak to me in Japanese.

So many wonderful moments that I would never trade for a million dollars. Maybe a billion dollars, but nothing less than that ;)

I am a mother, and I am in love.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It's a tough job

I know, I know.

It seems like I'm always talking about this...

Honestly though,

is there a perfect mother out there?

Ok, I don't really want to be perfect...

I just want to be a sane mother!

Is it too much to ask for good kids

and a clean home

and an organized life?

It must be.

I wonder how on earth people do it.

Clean the house

Cook healthy meals

Teach their children important and fundamental things of life

Teach them the gospel

read their scriptures

fulfill church callings

organize office/secretarial duties (Dr's appts, bills, budget, file, etc)

change diapers,

potty train

tend to spouses

keep up with friends

think, ponder and meditate about spiritual things (I haven't heard the Lord in a while...)

chauffer family around

dr and teeth check ups

do your visiting teaching

be a good neighbor

be a missionary

be a nurse or a Dr. when children are hurt

play monster

read stories to kids

create learning games

listen

explain

discipline

do your food storage

exercise

better yourself

(forget going to school for yourself!)

The list goes on.

someone posted on my Facebook about all this. Her suggestion was to "simplify."

I wonder what that means...

I want to try it!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Kids

It's 8:51pm and I'm in love.

I just had a child fall asleep in my arms. I laid there stroking his soft blond hair, just thinking how he's growin' up so fast...sleepy eyes fought to stay awake, but the breathing grew heavier and before he knew it, he was asleep, his arms still around my neck.

Ahh. As much as I complain throughout the day about the hardships of raising these boys filled with energy from hell, I knew once again that I would never trade my job with anything in this world.