So many things

Well, so many things have happened since the last time I wrote.

Mostly...

a lot of things.

1. We were denied all 16 places we put on our "dream list" to move from here. After all, it was our time to move; no, really. We move every 4 years in the Coast Guard.

However, dreams to move closer to family were dashed and we were extended to stay here another year. Next Summer we will try again to get back to the west coast.

I cried when I found out we were going to stay. My current calling in the church can be overwhelmingly heavy. However, after much thought, I know it is a blessing. I am now grateful for this blessing to stay, to serve another year.

2. Ronny and I watched "the Help" last night. What a story. Not only for the abuse the African Americans have been through, but for one particular truth it shared.

"The truth shall set you free"

have you ever thought about that?

If you've ever carried a dark secret,

if you've ever been through something horrific,

you know what this means. You really understand it.

[I'm ready to talk.]

I have written a book.

It's called

Monibuta (Mo-knee-bu-tah)

It's about my childhood that most no one knows about.

It's about trials and dark times.

However, that is not the point of the book.

I talk about how God led me through it.

How He carried me through it all.

How I cried. How I felt his love. How I overcame. How I struggle still.

It's about the things I learned and continue to learn.

I have been asked to speak again. This time I get to travel up north to a group of sisters in Conroe.

what a blessing.

This time, I'm sharing more of what I learned and how I got through my darkest hours, sleeping in the "dungeon."

The truth shall set you free.

I don't want to hurt anyone, but I want to be free.

3. I am SO incredibly blessed. and I'm not just saying that.

I have the most supportive husband.

I have the most-loving-children.

But lately, I've been thinking...

I have the most amazing calling.

I have the most amazing sisters.

They are daughters of a King.

I hold them up to a higher light and expect so much more out of them than they could ever imagine for themselves.

I am so blessed to be a median by which the Lord shares His immense love for His daughters.

How did I get so blessed?

I tell them as often as I can of the love the Lord has for each one of them.

I hope they can feel it. They are, every one of them, so very special.

4. It's "QUIET TIME" right now.

My kids obviously do not know the meaning of it.

It's good to be back.

I missed it.

I think I may come back.

Maybe no one reads my words, but that's okay.

I find writing therapeutic and I've found that it's just not the same as writing in your journal. You can be more intimate in journals, but the writing voice is different and I have learned that I prefer my "blog" writing voice.

So, having said that, I don't care if no one reads.

I don't care if you leave me nasty notes.

I hope people will read, I hope you leave me nice notes,

but if not,

I don't care.

This is for me and my posterity.

Here we go. Round two.

Thank you, and goodbye!

Upon reconsideration of priorities, I've decided to cut out blogging from my life.

SO SAD!

I just wanted to honestly THANK YOU faithful checkers, readers, and even skim-through-ers of my dinky thoughts and life.

Thanks to those who gave me comfort, and words of warmth and encouragement. I will miss them!

I still have my facebook and yahoo account though, so feel free to stalk me there! ;) hahaha

Honestly,

thank you.

and goodbye.

Monika

The X-factor

We've all seen it, those sing off television shows where ordinary people hop on stage and sing their hearts out for a chance to be a star in Hollywood.

Tonight, I was watching one of those shows with nothing else I wanted to do but unwind from the day with the kids in front of the tele.

A man dressed in dark heavy coat appeared after the commercials with scruffy facial hair and untidy hair, hand in hand with his mom. HIS MOM!

His mother had driven him 7 hours to get him on this show.

First impression?

Not so hot.

He was asked what he did for a living, to which he answered "I fling burritos."

Alright, second impression?

Still not hot.

The greasy looking man who looked like he just reappeared from the cave announced his song of choice.

The crowd snickered, and even the judges had looks of incredulous in their voice.

In the mean time, the man's mother was backstage literally freaking out about how amazing her son was and how he was going to blow the world away, tears and all.

Nothing was going for this man.

Then the soft music of "At last" began and the grizzly man opened his mouth.

at the same time, all the judge's yackers dropped open, the crowd went dead silent.

MY eyes were wide open too, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

The man finished his song and the audience went wild.

The judges ate him up, complimenting him to bits.

My eyes were wet.

I must admit that I do get emotional quite easily, but I was grateful for this little episode on a dinky tv show.

How are we perceived by the world?

Better yet, how am I perceived by the world?

...probably like a worthless person just raising little children.

My hair's not always the tidiest, usually thrown up in a bun. Heck, if I showered that day, that's what I call ACCOMPLISHMENT! My face is a washout (no makeup) on most days, I have no real skills, I contribute little to the world as far as its concerned. The world probably mocks me, or better yet, probably doesn't even know that I exist. If I even tried to go out and do anything "great," they'd probably laugh at my attempt or karate chop me to pieces. (lol)

but.

there is one person--maybe even two...

they know exactly who I am, and what I'm capable of.

Just like the crying mother who knew without a doubt what her scrubby son was capable of, that he would crush everyone's expectations, I too, have Heavenly parents who love me with no end. They know exactly what my worth is, and they will stand by me 100%, yes, even on days I don't believe I can do much.

The audience may see me as they did the man in the beginning, a scrubby wore-out mom flipping pancakes every morning and wiping snotty little kids all day, and they may not even change their minds about me in the end cheering me on, but I know, just like that mother who believed in her son, that to my Heavenly Parents, I am a somebody.

updates on the Family

{costumes are a courtesy of the boy's aunt and Uncle Sampert-THANK YOU!}

I figured since this blog is more like my own journal, I better put in an update or two about my family! :)

Nothing too big is happening, but here's what I can think of right off the top of my head.

1. We recently received a list containing 115 places to choose from to move next year. (?)

We will be given a 1.5 months to put a list together of about 10 top choices of where we want to go next. Finding out where we will go will have to wait until next Feb. or March, and the move is next Summer.

Our top picks so far are: Seattle, Portland, and anywhere in CA.

2. Jaiden: he's definitely talking more. "Huh?" he will ask you after EVERYTHING YOU SAY. Oh, not just once, but a million times!!! DRIVES ME UP THE WALL. He IS, however, becoming MUCH easier to handle. He's potty trained, although he still wets himself if he's playing too hard and is too lazy to go potty and he still has a diaper on in bed. Other than that, he's a gosh darn cute little thing, and there's not a day that I don't remember that behind this bright smile and stinker attitude was a war fought to live.

3. Kai: He's enjoying his last week of Preschool by Miss Annie this week. He's done well and has learned so much. He still likes bugs, but has moved onto things like robots and monsters. He LOVES to color and draw. He's starting to show me more sides like getting upset if he's not the party's attention when with his friends. Ay ay ay. (that's the Latin side of me coming out)

He's still that 99% of the time-obedient little child who loves to ask questions non-stop and is always thinking...just thinking....wheels always turning in his head.

4. We've decided to homeschool the kids. "Homeschool," is a silly word with preschoolers, but well, I guess it is. I'm going to be teaching them both, and in Japanese. I figured that next year since they'll both be in school, I better cherish one last year with both my boys home. I also figured I better get more serious about them learning Japanese before they head off to English schools. It will be good.

Ronny: he's here and he's wonderful. :) He got called out all day last Saturday to a huge oil spill. It's been a rough weekend (and week while he was on call), but he just surprised me this morning with a day off. :)

Me: I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with Cooking. I think I've really narrowed down my passion in life to it and have been spending more and more time in the kitchen or in books reading and studying about the hows and whys of it all. So far, these are my favorite sites:

youtube. (i love watching HOW to cook.)

America's Test Kitchen (books and DVDs from the library

http://www.ourbestbites.com/

I think that's about it!

Sis. F

We asked one of our new converts to teach the RS lesson this last Sunday.

She's an older lady and let me tell ya, is so cute.

She's in a wheel chair type thing and has diabetes, but is so "high" spiritually since she was baptized back in April of 2011, that she never can contain her smile and willingness to serve when she's at church or we talk to her on the phone.

She's a dynamite!

When we asked her to teach a RS lesson, she was so tickled. "Me?!" She'd say.

Saturday when I spoke to her and helped her through her lesson one last time, she was ecstatic for this opportunity to teach the following day. Of course, she was nervous too, but she was grateful that "you would trust me, sister Sampert!"

"Are you going to be okay now?" I asked her, making sure she felt comfortable to teach now.

"Oh yes," sis. F said.

"Good, you'll do great." I reassured her.

"Well, that is, after I go practice this several times in the mirror. I'm gonna go line up all my stuffed animals in the mirror and practice!" She said, laughing shyly.

I'm grateful I have the opportunity to work with such willing sisters. They're an example to me that although we might be uncomfortable being taken out of our comfort zone at times, being willing to serve the Lord is number one. The rest will follow.

Sister W.

Today's post is a bitter sweet post.

I went and visited sister W. today. My sweet counselor and a few other sisters in our branch put together a "friendship quilt"--basically, blocks of fabric sewn together to make a quilt, and had everyone sign it.

I was honored to deliver the heart felt gift to her with a few of sis. W's close friends from the branch.

Sis. W. has had terminal breast cancer for several years now. She recently had a double mastectomy in an attempt to rid her of this disease. Unfortunately, the cancer has spread beyond what most would believe "curable."

The last time I saw her was back in June, before she went in for the surgery. Although she was in considerable amount of pain back then, she still looked somewhat well.

Not today when I saw her.

Withered away just sitting in her wheel chair (mind you, she's only about in her early 40's) she was half the size she used to be. She complained of "freezing" and so had multiple blankets over her now frail body. She couldn't move much, she just sat there listening to everyone talk around her.

As I sat in the dark lit room of the W. home surrounded by a few other sisters, I thought about life. I thought about her life, I thought about my life, I thought about LIFE.

Now usually when we see people, we don't see them as "dying," and we certainly don't say "we're watching them die," but I couldn't shake off a strange dark feeling that I was in fact, watching a person slowly move towards the end of this life. I was watching sis. W. die.

Now please, don't think I'm a dark or cruel person. I'm not trying to be. I love this lady so much. She's taught me many valuable lessons, but if you've ever watched a person die, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's an odd feeling...

So back to the dark lit room where I wondered about life...

I wondered if she wished she could wash dirty dishes again.

I wondered if she would complain to have to play with her now 8 month old grandson who was lying on the floor, babbling happily as he raised his head up high to look at the adults in the room.

I wondered if she ever wished she could mop the floors and if she'd love folding warm clean clothes fresh out of the laundromat (most people have to go to a laundromat around here).

I wondered if she ever thought the sun was too bright and too hot.

I wondered so many things.

I don't downplay annoying things in life, nor do I remotely suggest venting or complaining is evil. Heck, you're reading the blog of the QUEEN of complaining! :)

What I did wonder though, was if I took a bit too much for granted.

Naturally.

But maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I needed to "live like I was dying," as Tim McGraw so famously put it.

Maybe it was a blessing to hear the kids scream and run.

Maybe it was a blessing to have dirty dishes piled high to the ceiling and so much laundry to fold my eyes would pop out.

You know why? Because I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT, and I CAN DO IT!

Isn't life BEAUTIFUL?!

Thank you sis. W. for all that you've taught me--

may there be many more lessons shared by you!!!

He just smiles

Have you ever struggled in life?

Have you ever sat there praying to receive comfort or an answer, but wondering why you weren't receiving any of that from the Heavens right at that moment?

I had an experience the other day that made me think, A-HA! I think I understand now, just a glimpse of what our Heavenly Father does and how he operates when WE are struggling.

Here it goes.

I have been reading my mission president's son's emails to his family who just left on his mission about 2 weeks ago. His mother has been forwarding them to me because he's being sent to serve in Japan. Anyway, their son, who is a real fine and sweet young man was writing in his last email that things were hard. He says,

"Missions are weird. Even though I'm only in the MTC, you can go up and down SO much within the same day. It's crazy. Well, last Friday and Saturday I was feeling kind of down because I felt like I would never learn Japanese. I still don't think I will :) It's frustrating, too, because the new MTC program is all about how you need to meet the needs of your investigator and everything you do should be focused on them and how you need to teach by the spirit and ask questions and interact with them, but I just can't do it in Japanese. From my journal: "Why couldn't I have been speaking Spanish or English? California, Texas, those places all sound pretty good right now. Why did God send me to Japan?" I was also down because I felt like I wouldn't be good enough. Everyone told me what a great missionary I would be but I was feeling like, "What if I'm not?"

If you thought you were reading your own thoughts, you're not alone.

As I read his email, the strangest thing was happening to me. I just couldn't help but SMILE. I was smiling SO big that my face hurt. I felt like I wanted to fly down to the MTC and give him a big hug--or just tell him "it's going to be okay, I PROMISE!!"

I knew 100% that he was going to live, that he was going to come out of this strong, I KNEW without a doubt that he IS indeed going to be one of the best missionaries out there, and that the Japanese would come to him. Somehow, I just knew all of this.

I wrote my response to my mission president's sweet sweet wife.

"I will write him later." still smiling as big as ever.

That's all.

Not because I thought David's trials were funny, but because I had been there, I knew EXACTLY what he was feeling--all the frustration, all the craziness-you name it, I knew exactly what he was going through.

What's more, I was surprised at my decision to write him "later." Why not NOW? Wouldn't he benefit from hearing from someone who had been through the exact thing he had been, RIGHT NOW?!

Here comes the first "A-HA" moment.

I just thought that nothing I say could give him comfort at the moment.

He and he alone needed to get through this trial and then I could speak with him.

Not because he wouldn't want to hear what I had to say (that "everything will be okay,") but that he COULDN'T understand it right now. I remembered MY mission and time in the MTC when learning Spanish was one of the most frustrating thing I had ever done and I had felt like I'd never speak it, NEVER!

I thought my life was over.

It was a very hard time.

But looking back now, I marveled at how I got through it, how the language came to me in such a short time (relatively speaking), how everything worked out and now I look back with such fond memories of it all. Well what do you know, here I am, almost 10 years later, alive and thriving!

I just couldn't help but smile-BIG. Ready for another A-HA???

....this must be how Heavenly Father is, listening to us whine in our prayers or earnestly seek comfort---or just watching us struggle. He just smiles. Not to be rude or mean, but smiling to say

"I KNOW you can and WILL get through this. I know it's rough right now, but you have no idea how fast this will all past, and you have even less idea of the joys you will feel after getting past this stage." etc. I just felt like I understood just a glimpse of the eternal perspective.

When we're struggling, that's all we can see and we're just stuck. Afterwards though, we can look back and say "I did it!" and they turn out to be one of the most treasured times...just as I struggle with motherhood or the lack of self-esteem right now and searching for my "personal worth," I feel Heavenly Father must sometimes sit back and just let me squirm. Although he wants to give me a big hug, fly down here and tell me "everything's going to be okay," sometimes it's just best to leave me/us alone and he just smiles big--knowing that we will get through this and be happy--happier than before, having been polished and strengthened. Nothing He could say will help us in the moment, because most of the time, we're not even listening, we're too busy being frustrated and unwilling to trust Him in some cases. We get into a rut and don't want to see beyond it. So interesting! I'm glad I had that experience because I am now convinced that that's what Heavenly Father does---and I smiled.

I'm gonna be ok.

This is what I made last night.

Mouth watering. It was AMAZING.

(ourbestbites.com)

Pork Tacos with Chili Verde

(unfortunately, the recipe was only in their cookbooks I think, and not on their website)

Job Description: Occasional Toilet Scooper

Jaiden dropped his LEGOS in the toilet today. A man, a few pieces and tires.....both him and Kai were STARING into it trying to decide what to do when I came in. "ready to go? did you go peepee?" I asked, hurriedly, wanting to get some errands run in the morning.

"Mama!!! You have to get the legos out of the toilet!!" Kai said. Jaiden looked up at me with TEARS in his eyes.

"MY LEGOSS!!!" he burst into tears.

You know me, I HAD to play with his emotions... JUST A LITTLE BIT!

"Well, that's it then. say goodbye to your legos!"

I carefully jiggled the toilet handle.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

a scream heard around the block from both boys.

I looked into the basin. I guess I should be thankful it was only YELLOW, not brown....

I chased the boys out of the bathroom (wouldn't want them to get any ideas!) and fished the pieces of legos out of there.

What I wouldn't do for these boys is amazing.